We have been trying to have our second child for nearly 15 months now. When our daughter was 5 months old we started once again. At first we are trying to just go with the flow but after a few months with no conception, we reverted to once again charting, using ovulation predictor kits and planning our lives around my next ovulation cycle. I’ll admit it… we live and breath by a calendar. We have our routines down, we know what days are what, when I am to start the fertility drugs, when I start the progesterone, when to start testing for that pink line to show up. And while I prayed everyday for Scott and I to be spared any more unborn losses, we suffered a miscarriage after more than eight months trying.
I remember being hit hard because a friend of mine got pregnant right when I did. And then I wasn’t. One day I had a conversation with God where he told me not to worry… I would be pregnant soon. In the weeks following that loss… January 2011 keep popping up. I was so thankful… I knew that meant a baby was coming, and I spent my 2010 holiday season rejoicing over the blessing to come. Our faithful God… He kept his word, and the first week of the new year, I was pregnant. But just as I started to get excited… I started spotting. I kept praying that the baby would be fine but after a couple weeks… I lost the baby. Thus January ended and February began and so did another month of charting and planning. I didn’t understand what had happened. God had given me such amazing hope, and I believed! I had been faithful. What had happened?
I do not believe that God takes children. But I do believe He knew what was coming up for me and my family. In the months that followed Averey was extremely sick and ultimately had to have surgery. Shortly after that I started having massive pain in my right arm and shoulder. After several weeks of pain pills and nerve blockers I was sent to have an MRI. The films revealed my spinal cord was being crushed. Two weeks later I was having neck surgery and endured a slow eight-week recovery. Looking back… I can’t imagine the suffering I would have experienced if I had been pregnant.
During my recovery time… I read several christian books. I spent a lot of time in prayer and had many many conversations with God. I came to realize that He was battling the evil that had invaded our lives. The miscarriages, Averey’s illness, my neck problems… they were all unsolicited gifts of the enemy. And God was there… helping to heal us. He showed up in so many ways… a message in a television show, meals from our LifeGroup family, words from friends. He ultimately sent those illnesses away and completely restored Averey’s health and my arm. Praise Him!
As soon as I was off all medicine, we started to try again. We are now in our second round of Clomid. We are praying to conceive a child soon. I am standing on faith that God is still saying… the season for a second child is at hand. We are thanking Him for what is already done. And I accept that just as easily as God can make me pregnant, the enemy can steal the child away (as he has eight other times). So I ask God to protect me from harm. To shield me from any future attacks. To protect this unborn child and allow him to come. I move forward hopeful, with my eyes on the future, not dwelling on the bad circumstances but celebrating the everyday blessings. And I choose to believe that God has a reason for having me experience everything I have. God has equipped me with tools to reach women and bring them hope. If I can restore faith to one women… if I can help her to draw nearer to her Father… then all the pain and suffering I have gone through will be worth it.