Today started out a good day. I was greeted by a lazy morning. I slowly made my way to Bedford. And I spend the better part of the day enjoying an iced tea and conversation with a new friend at Starbucks. We were talking about the amazing works God has done in our lives. This wonderful woman of God had been through similar circumstances to me. And I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. But somewhere in the middle of our great meeting my cell phone rang. I looked at the number to make certain it was not my husband or my mom who was watching Averey. I recognized the number as being my OB’s, so I excused myself and answered the call. As the nurse started to speak I could sense something in her voice. I knew she was about to give me some bad news.
The back story is that Scott and I are trying to have our second child. We have been going at this for nearly 16 months now. We have had two miscarriages since attempting to add to our family. Both of us truly believe that the Lord has given us His blessing to adding an addition to our family. We have indeed been blessed with a pregnancy twice, so we appreciate that He is delivering on His word!
I am not the picture of health when it comes to fertility. I have all kinds of physical issues – all of which add up to my doctor advising us that it will be very difficult for me to have a natural child. They are willing to give me drugs to help me conceive and sustain the baby. He has even suggested we move onto to more aggressive measures which we feel will not be necessary. After my miscarriage in January 2011, we took some time to grieve. Then Scott and I discussed whether to keep trying or give up. We decided that if we continued we would go full force. So we prayed and felt like the Lord was leading us to continue. We spoke to our physician who recommended that we start Clomid. We did our first round in July, and while we did ovulate, we did not conceive. Round two started with the same 50mg of Clomid from day three to day seven. This month I felt nothing. Not a single hot flash. Not a cramp. Not a nothing! I had my day 21 check up on Monday. I expressed to the doctor that I felt nothing all month. I just had a nagging feeling about it, but I didn’t know why. So today… I got the dreaded call. I did not ovulate!
It was as if a tornado blew the roof off the Starbucks and sucked all of my joy away with each shingle. I was crushed. I grasp the concept that it is a slim chance I can get pregnant each month, but the thought that a month went by that I wasn’t even given the opportunity to conceive… that’s just more than I even care to bear.
Tonight I am encouraged by Genesis 30:22 (NLT). “God remembered Rachel’s plight and answered her prayers by enabling her to have children.” I am thinking that God would like me to replace Rachel’s name with mine. God loves me. He knows my heart’s desire is to have another baby. As the Healer… He can heal me and make my cycle work as it should. He can enable me to have a baby! And the best part is… I know this to be true because He all ready did that for me once!
Late this afternoon, a comforting friend took me all the way back to the day that the OB told me that I was sterile… six weeks before I conceived Averey. She said… it’s highly possible that God is setting up your next miracle! I stand in agreement with her right now that those words she spoke are of truth! Luke 1:49 says “The Mighty One has done great things for me – Holy is His name.” I am strengthened by this verse! He has done great things for me. And no matter what my OB says about my chances to conceive, I know that with God… it is 100% certain.
Right now I declare that God will be happily standing with Scott and I as we brave the next month. As we move forward, I pray for the strength to battle our fears, the courage to try with all our might and the wisdom to know that with God… all things are possible. The doctor’s have increased my Clomid dose, and we will be once again trying to conceive. We are still firmly believing that while the physical might be appearing to say “no” to a child… God is still saying “Yes!” We will be praying every night before we go to bed… thoughts of healing, words of thanks, expressions of love. Will you please pray for us too? If so…I thank you from the bottom of my heart.