We’ve all seen the tenacious dog. The one who spends hours upon hours chewing on a bone to get to that meaty center! The smell is driving the poor guy crazy. His gums are bleeding, and he’s not napped all day. By the time the sun sets this exhausted dog has finally reached his end goal – he’s enjoying the fruit of his labor as the canine savors each morsel of the meaty middle.
I would venture to say that my efforts to have a child were much like that dog’s. I was bound and determined to have a child, and I was not about to let anything stand in my way. I am stubborn, and when I set my mind on something – I usually do not stop until I get what I want. So the more my physical circumstances were showing me no baby was possible… the more my desire for it grew. Every time my doctor gave me news or shared information with me about how little my chances were for a child, the more I was determined to prove him wrong. Every month I was persistent in my pursuit and some how managed to bolster enough mental and physical energy to keep going.
The tenacity I have shown in my three year ordeal to have my first child and my current display of iron will to have a second baby is very admirable, but it also drives my husband and family crazy. They all think I should count my blessings and be happy for the miracle I received when I had my daughter. But what very little of them understand is that I have seen my children in my dreams. I have heard many times from the Lord that natural children would be given to me to nurture and raise here on Earth. And when I pray to Lord and ask Him if I should quit trying to conceive and count my blessings… He tells me to not give up!
What I have come to realize is that I am merely obeying God in my continued pursuit. He is my leader! He’s the one with the map and the plan of my life. He gives me directions and is guiding me through my wilderness. Just like I had faith that I would have my first child… I know He is sending us a second baby. I know that whether I will conceive this month or in a year from now, He will keep His word. He will not fail me, and He is not leading me on a long journey to no where.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 says “for I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
I ask you, precious reader, do you know the plans God has for you? Have you opened up and shared with him the desires you have? I promise… that if you start talking… He will listen! And if you ask Him questions… He will answer. For me it started with quiet time. I would rest in a comfortable place and slowly began to think about my children. I would focus my energy on healing any female issues that were standing in the way. Not long after, I began journal writing. Everyday… talking to God. Before long I found myself having talks with Him in driving in my car or other times I was alone. And when I listened very carefully, didn’t argue… but really listened… I clearly heard Him. Yes… there will be natural children.
So I end this entry saying that the number one reason why I am so persistent in my pursuit to have my children is because with every fiber of my being and with every beat of my emotional heart… I truly believe God is commanding me to stay strong, to stay faithful to His word, to have the courage to battle adversity with grace and to ultimately bear the fruit of my hard fought labor.