I declare I am one of God’s faithful sheep! But in my ignorance… I was very confused by David’s words in Psalm 23 – “I shall not want.” Your kidding me, right? I am supposed to want nothing! I went through a period in my life where I felt selfish if I desired anything. According to David… I was misguided and thought I was supposed to have zero wants! But most of the time I identified with Veruca Salt, the spoiled young girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! Oh, how many times I have thought ‘I want it, and I want it now!’
What on earth did David mean? Was I the only Christian on this planet who has a laundry list of needs on a daily basis? As a 38-year-old woman struggling with infertility and recurrent miscarriage… the thought that I was not supposed want and desire to be a mother to a child left me perplexed. Should I feel guilty about expressing those wants and desires to the Author of my life?
God blessed us with a daughter. And five months after we had Averey, my husband and I decided it was time to start trying to have a second child. Here I was again faced with this same dilemma. I was blessed with a miracle! God gave me a baby! So what gives me the right to expect Him to give me another one? With all my medical issues, it truly takes the Lord’s blessing for me to not only conceive but to carry the child. And for months… I would not pray for the child. I refused to let my Life Group even lay hands on me and stand in agreement with me that a child would come because I felt like I had no right to ask for another baby.
I truly kept this up for months, and no babies conceived or lost! Then one day… it was late summer 2010… I had received some bad test results on some random blood work, and I had been sent to Baylor to have some tests. I was sitting in the lab, and a very kind stranger started to talk to me. The subject of families came up. I expressed to her how I had been blessed with a miracle baby, and I wasn’t sure if I would have any more. She started to counsel me, and it wasn’t long before I realized this was a divine appointment.
She shared her story of infertility. She now has two teenagers, but her struggle was long and hard. At some point in our conversation she looked me straight in the face and said “Honey, children are miracles but they are also precious gifts from God. You have every right to desire another one. You have to pray and let God know the desires of your heart.” I sat there eating my cookies, wiping back tears and thought to myself… I have been so foolish.
David continues to explains how the Good Shepard tends to his loyal sheep. As His sheep…. we are to fully depend on Him for our provision, guidance and protection. We are to trust that we will be led to all the right places. We are to have a knowing that we will be given everything we need to survive and thrive. When David recorded his thoughts in what know has become a well known and recited verse of the Bible, he began by writing “The Lord is my Shepard; I shall not want.” But it is the important words after that gives us an idea of what David truly meant!
God longs for us to rely on Him! He will always guide us to contentment. When we follow him obediently, we get our needs met! God loves to bless us! God knows the desires of our hearts! He knows that while on this earth, we will have wants and needs! In Philippians 4:16 Paul boasts to the Philippians with confidence, ‘And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus’.
That wonderful stranger taught me a lesson that I had never seemed to learned from David or Paul. As a woman of God, I have a right to believe HE will meet my needs. There is absolutely no shame in asking Him to fulfill my desire for a second baby. I remember driving home praying for that child! I began to journal and record my prayers. I still write letters to God about my future baby. I’ve even been known to write the unborn child a letter or two! It’s nearly been a year since I had that conversation at the hospital, and while I am still grateful for the daughter I was blessed to receive, I have peace in expressing to God just how hungry I am to hold another infant in my arms! Today I am faithful in my prayers. I am thankful and rejoicing to God for the child to come. My husband and I share a daily commitment to pray and praise Him for the new baby we will be called to raise one day.
Just as God’s desire is for me to trust Him, to go on trying with no fear or insecurity, it is also His desire for each and every one of you! So the next time you recognize the Good Shepard, do yourself a favor and follow Him! You can trust that He knows all of your wants.