There are so many times when my life is hectic and things that I want just don’t materialize in a timely fashion. It is in these moments I start to feel so very overwhelmed. The first year I had my daughter I went through such huge life changes. My hormones were all messed up, and I couldn’t handle what was happening. I felt like I was drowning and there were days that I wanted to run away. I can remember numerous times calling my husband begging him to come home because I wanted to get in my car and drive as far away from my life as I could. I had a nasty case of post partum depression that finally worked its way to being manageable. Then slowly it faded until it was gone.
You’d think I’d be celebrating the fact my hormones finally straightened out and I could finally enjoy my life, but the last twelve months have not been a banner year for me either! For months Averey suffered with chronic sinus infections. My business tanked to the point we were barely hanging on. We endured two miscarriages in six months. I had a family member on the brink of death and the calls that she might not make it through the night were often unbearable in the midst of everything else on my plate. Our daughter ended up having surgery in February 2011. Within weeks of her recovery, I endured the emergence of severe neck, back and right arm pain. No amount of drugs would ease the pain so I was sent to have an MRI. A few weeks later I ended up having neck surgery that kept me flat on my back for about eight long weeks.
I remember some amazing prayer warriors from my life group came over to my house the night before my operation to pray for me. I told them I felt like I was climbing a mountain… trying my very best to get to the top but every step of the way huge boulders were being hurled at me to keep me from reaching my destination. I knew God had amazing plans for me, but it felt like His plans for me were stalled because I was inundated with one crisis after the next. I just couldn’t get to the top where God wanted me. I was drowning in all the emergencies, mishaps, misfortunes, health issues, disappointments and pain. I barely survived one crisis before I was engulfed in another, and I was completely overwhelmed!
Having to stay in bed on your back for so many weeks to heal from major surgery leaves you with a lot of idol time. I spent the majority of my days thinking about all the drama that had been barreling through my life, and I realized that it was the enemy who was driving the tractor. He kept hurling one boulder after the next at me so I could not focus on God’s plan for me. One day I decided that I was going do something different. Instead of being overwhelmed… I made the brave decision that I was going to overcome!
I knew that while God didn’t cause my spinal issues, He was using this medical issue to force me to rest. He knew I needed to stop dodging boulders! Resting was necessary for me to recoup my strength so I could finally get to the top of that mountain! I needed to rest, but I decided I needed a spiritual makeover! So I used my time to journal, to pray, to focus on how I wanted to serve for God’s glory. I read several books, focused on devotionals and read the book of John in the Bible. I started thinking about my spiritual giftings and how I could really start to put them to use. The idea for this blog… my unfolding truth… was revealed to me during this time.
What I learned was I needed God to intervene on my behalf. See the Lord had a tennis racket and could easily bat away any of those boulders that the enemy kept hurling at me! Psalm 61:2 says “from the end of the earth I will cry to You when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.”
It took me lying in bed wasting away on pain medicine to realize that I needed to pour my heart out to the Lord. I needed help getting to that next plateau, and it became crystal clear that I would not get there unless the Lord led me there. I sought out God’s counsel, and He showed me the amazing works I had coming. While I was resting, He laid a road for me. He cleared out all the rocks and debris that the enemy had left behind, and He gave me the strength to go scaling that mountain after He healed my neck.
It’s interesting to me that in the early 14th Century, the word overwhelm meant to turn upside down. And that was how I felt the majority of the time. From one incident to the next, the enemy kept turning my life upside down. He kept my eyes off God a lot of the time because I was so focused on the immediate messes in my life.
As time goes on… the meanings of words change. And by the 15th century the definition of the word overwhelm had evolved to mean to submerge completely. I feel like I am overwhelmed again. But this time it is different! I am submerged completely in God’s plan for my life. I trust Him wholly. I am obedient in pursuing those paths that God has laid at my feet. And I have courage to climb. Today, I have reached the top of the mountain and look forward to my days with excitement instead of dread. I have dove into mentoring women. I am in the midst of prophetic training. And I am taking a class at church to truly understand and develop God’s giftings in my life. All of this… is thanks to God. I know that if it had been left up to me alone, I’d still be playing dodge ball with the enemy’s boulders.