I am someone that is filled with limitless faith. I am not bound by physical circumstances and believe in miracles. I trust that all things are possible with Jesus Christ! It takes faith to move mountains, so it makes perfect sense to me that it would take faith to overcome my health issues to conceive a child. My long journey through infertility and recurrent miscarriage has been one that has been paved with great moments of faith. I was told that I was sterile. My doctor explained to me and my husband that both of my tubes were blocked, therefore I could never get pregnant. I remember thinking in that doctor’s office that this must be a mistake. But then I thought… it wasn’t a mistake! It just will bring all of the sweet glory to God when I am healed and am pregnant! It wasn’t two months later that we were indeed back in my OB’s office confirming the good news that a baby was indeed on the way. WOW! God is awesome!
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 (KJV) I’ve been blessed in my life. Many times I have seen amazing things that God is able to do. I have seen people healed from cancer. I have witnessed a boy who was on the brink of death, come home to his family. I have seen the miracles that come out of prayer and out of mercy. I grasp the awesomeness of God and wish I could say that my faith never lingers.
But I am going to admit that in the quiet times of night… I’ve hit many bumps in the road especially in the area of doubt. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up at two or three o’clock on the morning in a panicked sweat riddled with worry. Some days it just hits me like a tons of bricks that I am forced to lug around. I see pregnant women at the shopping center, and it starts with a longing look. I hear that a friend has just entered her second trimester, and I start to wonder if I will ever be in that place again instead of knowing I will be! I see photos on Facebook of another friend’s brand new baby, and I am reminded of my unborn losses and worry I will miscarry again. The enemy really likes to kick us when we are down. And some days… it is a massive challenge for me to get up, dust myself off and put on that brave face.
The bible says that “he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6 (NIV) I’ve come to realize that I don’t like white capped waves. I don’t enjoy rough seas and high winds because they make me scared. I fear being knocked down and drowning. I love this verse in James. God is warning us that the enemy will cast doubt upon us to make afraid. When we get scared, it is a natural reaction to retreat and feel lonely. When we doubt… we take our eyes off God. When our sights are anywhere other than on the Holy One… our lives are unsettled and are in disarray. This is when we are most vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks.
But when we truly are filled with faith… there is an absence of fear. We can focus with perfect clarity on the big picture which is the blessings we have been given and those we will receive in the future. Our gaze is firmly fixed on God. Our ears are tuned into the Holy Spirit. With faith comes bravery, courage, hope and happiness. With faith comes complete belief in miracles!
I have learned that I have a choice to make every time I am faced with doubt. I can either let it consume me, or I can go back to the place I know peace resides! See a good heaping serving of faith comes with a side of peace! And when I am really, really famished and starving… I know that God will provide me the provision I need to make me strong and to nourish my soul. My choice is to have faith. I cast out all doubts, and when I wake up in those wee hours of the morning and my thoughts start to get away from me… I do the only thing I can do to stop them from whirling around in my mind… I pray. I pray and then I release. What a breath of fresh air that is!