Being infertile has one massive side effect that Scott and I have been unfortunately dealing with: PRESSURE! When we first started on our journey to have our second child, the first few months were easy. Being together was a pleasure and conceiving seemed to be effortless as we got pregnant twice in about five months. It was when we lost the second child this go around that stress started looming in our hearts, in our minds and ultimately joined us in the bedroom. Month after month, our OB would say “relax and enjoy being together.” And both of us would be excited at the opportunity to conceive that precious baby we longed to hold one day soon!
By day eight of my cycle, worry would set in. You could feel the shift in our household as looming questions would surface. Would we be successful? Would I miscarry? Would I have a difficult pregnancy? And the more I would worry, the more stressed I got. Ultimately months went by with no conception. And the doctor suspected that my hormone levels are being negatively effected by my worry and stress. So our OB recommended we start taking Clomid. And for some reason, adding one little pill into the mix, added an enormous amount of pressure to my husband who was all ready battling through the stress and anxiety to perform on command.
I’d like to encourage every husband of a woman who is battling infertility to know your job is to fight off the stress and pressure. Your wife is battling enough stress and pressure on her own without having to deal with yours too! After five years of being told to successfully perform on command, my husband started to see making a baby as a dreaded chore. He convinced himself that all I wanted was his sperm and not him. And to this I say… the enemy is cruel, and it couldn’t be further from the truth. And while his desire remained for us to have a child, the stress and pressure that he put on himself due to his misconceptions started us on a journey that has crippled us from conceiving a child and rocked our marriage. Scott was overcome with pressure, and every time we experienced another failure the more I grew angry at him.
Stress is a vicious, ugly cycle. It is a subtle pesky sin that can and will wreak havoc on your life! And it is very hard to break the pattern of stress once we have embraced anxiety and can’t seem to find a solution. Dealing with infertility is hard enough without putting pressure on ourselves. In this case… it isn’t the cherry on the top of a delicious icecream sundae. It is more like the straw that breaks the camels back. So we are in a place of seeking help. And the one we are turning to in our time of need is God because we know He desires us to have sound minds and healed bodies.
In Matthew 11:28 Jesus gives us a guarantee! “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Jesus commands us to lay our burdens down on Him! How wonderful it is that we don’t have to handle our problems alone? So to eliminate the unwanted stress that has crept into our lives and our bedroom, we have taken to prayer.
Scott and I must realize that we need to use our “worries” as an opportunity to practice our faith. For it is through stretching our faith in God that allows us to grow in our relationship with Him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
If we trust the Lord’s word that a second child is coming then we must be able to face our stress, pressure and worries head on and overcome. If we are to have the victory of God’s promise in our lives we must believe God is bigger than all our worries and problems put together. We must not let the enemy deceive us into allowing pressure to overcome us. We must not believe the lie that our worries will come true. If we do… then ultimately no baby will come. It is through trust, faith and a thankful spirit that miracles are born.
So now Scott and I are regrouping, and we are seeking God’s Word to eliminate the problems, worries and anxieties we are currently battling. We are asking Jesus to take our sinful burdens and free us. We are pleading the blood of Jesus over our bedroom to cleanse any negativity, pressure and stress from hindering us. We are submitting to our Lord in our day-to-day living hoping to break this cycle that has crippled us from fulfilling our dream.